I'm feeling so heart broken everyday. I tried to say how i feel deep in my heart, perhaps he don't feel anything? No response at all.

Wendy asked me, "aren't you tired yet?". Haha, tired? How would i not? But i'm always telling myself that everything is worthy since i want this relationship to be good. But honestly,i don't know how much longer i can determine myself to continue being like this, i feel like i'm running out of energy.

Is this what love is? Is this how the kind of relationship that everyone would face? This wasn't what i want at all.

He said i'm the one who causes everything that has happened, i'm the reason that made him changed. But i was also trying for the past 6 months. And now, i became all alone, fighting alone for this relationship.

Right now, even crying out loud doesn't help me to get any better anymore.

NO, we're not breaking up, but i think i'm breaking down soon.

I don't know why am I back here. It's been about 2 to 3 years since the last time I updated this blog. Just feel that it's safer to rant everything here rather than other social media.

I have been having a tough time with my boyfriend lately. I really feel very stress about relationship, I knew I wouldn't be able to cope it well, but I never thought that everything would be so difficult for us. I really love him, but why do everyone keep persuading me to put an end to it? 

Yes, I feel pressured. But I'm not suffering at all. Since I was able to change us slightly better during that week, I believe there's still hope in us. I probably ruined everything last night with that one sentence, but don't tell me to give up on this relationship.

Sometimes I really feel like giving up. My boyfriend no longer like hearing things from me, he no longer care for me like before, everything changed but I don't want to run away at all. But I really have no idea what can I do. He don't like listening to me, and I really feel very upset every time he raised his voice at me, but what can I do? Friends asked me, "why do you still want to carry on when your boyfriend is scolding at you all the times? You don't have to put up with his attitude at all". I ask myself repeatedly, I did showed him my bad attitude in the past, but have i ever raise my voice, scold vulgarities, get sensitive with everything, hanging his call in between of a talk or even angry at him over a day. I am really very upset but I still love him deeply no matter what. He probably don't see my effort, but i have never gave my everything and did so many things for a guy. Why everybody sees it except him? 

If only there's a solution for me...... I really have no idea what to do. We don't even have anything to chat. Doubt that we have even 10 text msgs. But what can i do? Not gonna chat with him anymore since everything I said is wrong. But don't care at all? They said if he care, he wouldn't want to make me suffer or see me upset, he will contact me no matter what, but how to expect all these right now? 

Is breaking up the only solution? If he carry on mentioning it, it may just drive me nuts anytime soon.